A Wedding and a Funeral

The Whole Family - minus one missionary in Brazil.



The brothers "welcoming" Cody into the family!

The "in-laws" warn Cody of crazy family secrets. (It's too late - they are already married!)

January 24, 2010

Dear Elder Jake,

I am sorry you didn’t receive my letter last week. I was really banking on you having a P-day on Tuesday and hurried home from the Jones’ on Monday night to hook up to the internet and email the letter. Hope you didn’t feel neglected; you are always in our thoughts, and in multiple conversations over the past 10 days.

To give you an idea how crazy these past days have been, Dad slept in until 7:30 am on Saturday. Amazing. And this morning, he got up to let Diego out at 6:30, then crawled back in bed to read his scriptures and sleep some more before getting everyone up at 8 am for prayer. We were running from morning to night almost every day. For most of the family, we spent 1 night on the road, 2 nights in CA, 1 night in NV, 2 nights in UT, 1 night in ID. (For Serena and Autumn, they actually slept in a different place every night!) Then the first night home – I spent the night throwing up!

It is wonderful to be home, but I am so grateful for the time I had with family. It reconfirmed to me how much I LOVE my family – husband, children, parents (all four), sibs (in-laws count), nieces/nephews, aunts/uncles, cousins and so on! They are a crazy bunch – which makes them all the more lovable to me! One cousin told me how much she loves and admires my family – the California bunch. She loves how we are close to one another and how we love to laugh. (I assured her that we are not without struggles, but we do love one another.)

How are you doing? I am grateful that you find gratitude amidst the frustrations. Keep praying especially when you feel you are facing immovable obstacles. It is amazing how the Lord will move things, or merely move your perspective. I had an interesting lesson upon returning home.
I have been trying to get these Marriage classes started for the stake. However, because it is based on bishop referrals, it’s been difficult to get enough participants. (The class is open to any married couple. I don’t want just those in crisis.) It looked like there were about 8 couples scheduled to attend. In order to make it back for the classes, I had to drive to Boise after the funeral luncheon, then finish the drive home on Thursday. We got home by 4 pm and I was pretty tired and feeling a bit off. But I had felt the classes needed to start that night, so on I went.

It turned out only 2 couples showed! While good contributions, I was somewhat irritated that I had hustled home to teach, especially when I wasn’t feeling well. It wasn’t until the next afternoon that I recognized that maybe the reason for hurrying back to teach the class was not to get the class started, but for me so I could be sick at home and not on the road.

This letter is already long, but I wanted to fill you in on the busy happenings of the past 10 days. I hope you can print this out.

Thursday, Jan 14 - We left in the afternoon arriving in California about 3:30 am.

Friday - After crashing for a while, the girls went out for breakfast. Then some of us went to have manicures in Visalia. It wasn’t as good as the ones Darcie did in our home last October. Do you wish you could have joined us? We stopped by the reception center to see what work needed to be done.

Shortly after we returned home, the rest of the group arrived including Derek’s and Aaron’s families, along with Guy and Scarlett. My uncles Mark and Barry, along with their wives arrived as well as Uncle Grant and Aunt Judy. After a while we headed back to the churchhouse to help decorate. By the time we arrived, the others were waiting for the lady in charge to tell us what to do. She was still trying to decide how to arrange the room.

Also, Uncle Tom came along with my cousin Lara. (Tom and Patty had planned on coming to the wedding.) Their son Josh along with his wife Lisa and four children also came to the wedding. So awesome to have them there.

At 6 pm . . . closer to 6:40, we had a delicious wedding dinner in the RS room. At the end of the evening, in walked Margo and Jack. Margo had planned on crashing the wedding the next day but came a day early. She and Jack didn’t know where the wedding dinner was so they went to every restaurant in town. Thank goodness, it’s a small town. Finally, they “broke” into house and saw the board where all the cell phones are listed. Using the house phone, they started calling. So fun – so typical Margo and Jack! Love them!

Saturday – Some of our family stayed at the motel, some at the house. Friday night the girls stayed at the house so they could get their hair done early. Dad came back to the motel early in the morning so we could run. Katie and Ross arrived during the night and stayed at the house as well.

The wedding was at 10 am with pictures of all different groupings. I hope I remember to send a couple photos to you. The afternoon was mostly spent at Grandma and Grandpa’s – lots of food and lots of visiting.

The reception was beautiful with lots of good food. There was dancing in the last half and Katie got her father/daughter dance – with Dad holding onto Grandpa’s belt. My brothers were nearby with the scooter in case Grandpa needed to sit down in a hurry. But Grandpa was determined to dance the entire song. It brought tears to many people’s eyes, including Katie’s.
I told my sibs that if Dad gets to “dance” with Grandpa, I should get at least one dance! And I did!

There was lots to clean up afterwards and it took a while. But we did it and arrived back exhuasted!

Sunday -- After Sacrament meeting and lunch at Grandpa and Grandma’s, four vehicles headed to Las Vegas. R and K left earlier on Sunday morning with J because K had to work on Monday am. I was sad not to have Dad with us, but so grateful he was willing to hang out with Grandpa. We stayed at the Stratosphere – checking in about 7:30 pm, then heading to a LV buffet – it was very good. Then we had free passes to go up on the observation deck. Then we drove the strip. I think I got to bed after midnight!

Monday – Though we had shuffled cousins in the vehicles the day before, I, along with Grandma, left by 8ish to head to Provo. We dropped the kids at Ross’, who then took them up to G’parents L to spend the evening and night. Grandma L said she had a great time with them. The little boys made a big igloo in the front spending lots of time there.

Grandma and I then headed up to SLC to meet my cousin and others at the mortuary. We helped dress Aunt Patty. Again, it was a wonderful experience. There – assisting were my cousin, her sisiters-in-law (such wonderful people) and a couple close friends. After dressing Patty, they realized she needed earrings. Grandma talked about how when their mother died, Patty and she went to Penney’s and bought small pearl earrings for their mother. Grandma was wearing pearl earrings when she told the story. She then took them off and her pearl earrings were placed on her sister.

After we were done, we waited for the Jones’ men and all the grandchildren. By then, Patty was placed in her coffin. We had a room to ourselves and it was a good opportunity for the family to privately view Patty. And for Tom to talk about death and the Spirit world.

While wonderful, it was an emotional time. So, afterwards, Grandma wanted to get some chili at Wendy’s and just take a moment to breathe. Then we went to my Aunt Claudia’s to unpack before heading to the Jones’. There is where I wrote your last week’s letter. It was a nice gathering with the Jones as well as some of my family. I thought about all the celebrations I have attended there, many of them were for my family, including Dad and my graduation celebration.

Later in the evening, my cousin Jesse wanted the transcript from the interview I did with Patty last June. He hadn’t heard the audio clip I sent via email and he wanted to hear it. I was hesitant to start playing it in the midst of the family in the front room so I let people know what I was doing before I started. I played the short 3 ½ minute clip. I watched the family members listen to Patty’s voice. It was calming and peaceful. It felt as if she was still there, just in the other room laughing and telling stories. Some of the cousins gathered in the room to hear more. Uncle Tom also came in and loved hearing it. I mentioned some of the other things I had in the short interview (such as Tom dating after they were engaged), then Uncle Tom started telling a few short stories. I had tagged some of the stories and was able to pull them up on my computer. I checked in to make sure the family didn’t mind, but they wanted to continue.

Listening to Patty’s voice was very healing. It was a peaceful reminder to me, and probably to others, that she still lives. Looking back, that trip to Salt Lake was heaven-guided. We were heading to Idaho for Whitney’s baptism, but decided to leave a day early so I could drive with Grandma so she could visit with her sister. It’s the last time I saw Patty alive, and being able to capture her voice, especially her laugh, was such a gift for many.

Tuesday – It was the first day to sleep in and we didn’t get up until almost nine. Grandma and I headed down to Provo for a visit and to pick up the kids. G’parents L fed us a wonderful lunch. R came over as did D. (She had come over to their house the night before to hang out with the kids.) It was great to see D – she is doing great. She brought me a gift from Italy – a beautiful nativity ornament. She apologized for “only” bringing the kids Kindereggs. I told her to never apologize for bringing Kindereggs – it’s a family favorite!

That evening was the viewing. So many people, many I knew because the Jones home was a second home to me growing up.

Wednesday – Prior to the funeral, there was a viewing and a family prayer. Just before they closed the coffin, some of the family members went up closer to say a final goodbye. I always cry harder watching others’ grief. The family prayer was definitely done with the Jones’ touch. Uncle Tom asked Lara to do the family prayer. Lara said she hadn’t prayed for a long time; she asked all her brothers to gather around her. She had one brother start a chain prayer with each saying something. It was a beautiful prayer hearing the heartfelt feelings, spoken mostly to God, from each of my cousins.

During the funeral each of the children spoke. Again, it was touching and insightful, and especially with my last cousin Zach, hilarious. (Patty was supposed to have a hysterectomy and went to have pre-operative tests and was surprised to find out she was pregnant. Zach then said, “I was so surprised to be born that I didn’t speak for 1 ½ years!” It went on from there.)

Just before Zach spoke, Lara leaned over to Grandma and told her she and Uncle Grant were next on the program.

After the funeral, there was a great luncheon. It was great to have R there though we missed having K, who was working. We were ready to head home, but I really did enjoy hanging out with family for that week. Lots of fun and laughter.

We arrived at Derek’s by 10:30 pm, had a good night sleep and headed home on Thursday morning.

This whole weekend has been getting things back to normal. S got sick on Friday but it seems to have stopped there. It was so good to be home; I loved coming home, especially to the wonderful retreat of our bedroom. Thanks again for all your hard work. I love it!

We went to our new ward today. It’s a bit odd and a bit of an adjustment, but we move forward. There is a crock potluck afterwards. The rest of the family will attend; I am still feeling queasy. I went to Sacrament then came home. I told the kids they had to figure out what to take because food sounded gross to me. A did a great job putting together a taco salad with the meat in the crock pot.

There is much to share and I probably have bored you enough.

I hope you have a great week. I am interested in hearing about the transfers. Keep relying on the Lord and you will be okay.

I love you,
Mom